Compare and Despair
4 ways to stop comparison TODAY
Welcome to another episode of How to Love Your body- on today’s episode we are going to be talking about something that is a very natural thing for humans to do but really doesn’t feel great. We are talking about compare and despair… we’ll be sharing 4 ways to stop comparison TODAY.
We have a worksheet you can download at www.thebodylovesociety.com/68
Have you ever been on social media and scrolled by a picture that made your heart drop?
That gave you an icky feeling of comparison?
Were you feeling pretty good and after you saw “the picture” you immediately went into spiraling thoughts about what you don’t have that you wish you did?
This is a classic case of compare and despair- and don’t you worry this is a very normal human thing to do - especially in our new age of social media. We are able to see into way more people's lives than we ever have just by the tap of a phone screen or click on your laptop. It’s too easy! And it can be very overwhelming…
This is why we want to address how you can redirect your thoughts of comparison!
1. Lift the Story
When you are comparing yourself to others you most likely are creating a story and making it mean something other than “what is” …
For example - you scroll past a picture of someone that has a “better body than you” - instead of just seeing the photo for what it is “A woman posing in a picture in her bathing suit or that cute outfit” - you start spiralling and making it mean something personal about you ….
“Ugh I hate my body, she looks so much better.”
“I’m such a failure, why can’t I look like that, I’ve tried so hard.”
“No one will ever love me because of my body.”
“If I don’t have a body like that I won’t get that job.”
“I’m so disgusted with myself, why can’t I just lose weight.”
“I would be so much happier with a body like that, this isn’t fair.”
“I’ll never be able to wear a bathing suit at my vacation coming up because I don’t look like that, everyone will judge me, I’m so embarrassed.”
What would it be like if you “LIFTED THE STORY” and didn’t make it mean anything about you?
All of the statements we just shared are just stories you have created. They aren’t real.
You saw a woman in a bathing suit. It doesn’t need to mean anything about you.
2. I AM ME, THEY ARE THEM.
Separate yourself from the person you are comparing yourself to by saying…. “I am me and they are them.”
Her life has nothing to do with your life. It really doesn’t!
We all co-exist AND that doesn’t mean that when someone else has something you don’t, means that you are lacking something in your life.
If someone has a certain body, it doesn’t mean you have a bad body.
If someone is successful it doesn’t mean you can’t be successful.
If someone has children, it doesn’t mean you never will.
If someone just bought a home, it doesn’t mean you can’t.
If someone has anything that you want, it doesn’t mean that you can’t have it too.
You are never lacking, you are a whole and complete person no matter what your circumstances are. No person is better or worse. We are equal, we are all human.
To quiet the noise - limit social media and unfollow triggers and then get out your journal and write down all the wonderful things you have in your life because sometimes we forget in comparison.
3. DIFFERENT TIMELINES
Of course there are a lot of body comparisons but what about comparisons in general …
We all are living our separate lives with different timelines- could you imagine if EVERYONE on the planet was forced to do everything at the same time?
Go to college at the same time, graduate at the same time, date at the same time, get engaged at the same time, get married at the same time, have kids at the same time, take on a career opportunity at the same time, travel at the same time, buy a house at the same time etc….
That wouldn't be human- that would strip us of the opportunity to allow our lives to unfold however they unfold and be open to all the possibilities… because what if you don’t want to get married or have kids? What if you want to travel the world and build a business? Different timelines allow us to be free in what we actually want to do with our lives.
If we could control our timelines and get what we wanted when we wanted life would be boring. We would miss out on so many things that actually shape us and grow us into who we are…
Lifting the story and the meaning while separating yourself as an individual with your own timeline can do wonders when trapped in comparison!
One more quick mindset hack you can use around comparison is called Freaky Friday and you can learn more about it in episode 15 “Heal your comparison-itis”.
Most likely if you are comparing yourself to someone, they are either comparing themselves to you or to someone else.
We all are just going in circles doing the same damn thing- comparing ourselves to others feeling like we are lacking something.
What if this person was comparing their life to yours? That you had something they didn’t and they made it mean something about them?
Would you think - “Yeah, that's right, you aren’t as good as me because I have something you want.”
NO! You would probably think that you are no more special than they are and just because you have something they want doesn’t make them inferior. You would probably think that whatever you have they can have too.
This is an important reframe because you realize how NOT TRUE the feelings are when we get stuck in comparison.
You can see much better from the outside in - You see the other person has worthy and deserving. If you can do that so easily for someone else - why not yourself?
We are all human, comparison is going to happen - it’s how we respond to it that will set us free.
Remember to grab your worksheet at bit.ly/compareworksheet
You’ll be able to go through and process the 4 ways to stop comparison.
See you next week!
Lauren and Jenna