Welcome to another episode of How to Love Your Body -- on this week’s episode we want to talk about a question that does come up often - which is when a family member, partner, friend, etc doesn’t understand what IE is and thinks it’s BS - that if you aren’t dieting, you don’t care about your health.
Before we dive in - you can download your free worksheet that goes along with this episode at bit.ly/understandingundieting
We’ve been taught that if we aren’t constantly pursuing weight loss, eating “healthy” and restricting “bad” food then we don't care about our health - this could not be farther from the truth!
But this is most likely the information that your mom / loved one has ingrained in them too.
These aren’t your own thoughts - and they aren’t your mom’s either. It’s important to realize this is a societal issue and not a personal issue. This can make it a bit easier to be compassionate to those around you even when they are pushing against intuitive eating/ the non diet approach.
So when you see the light and realize dieting is damaging and does not work - and this IE, UnDieting, Body acceptance message comes around - that’s amazing - and even though you have seen the light and you are ready to change the generational patterns of dieting from people before you and around you - the people in your life may not be there yet - and they may never be. And that’s okay.
That may be hard to hear but really we have to be okay with them never understanding - great if they do someday but if they never do, this doesn’t change anything about you and what you can do for your life - which is un learn all that diet culture has taught you and relearn how to create a healthy relationship with food and your body and ultimately obtain true genuine health (physically, mentally, and emotionally).
Some other helpful tips to remember:
- Release the pressure to make someone understand IE
- Ask yourself Why do you feel the need to defend it if you know it works for you?
- What if you made it Your own special thing that no one can effect?
- If they genuinely want to learn - send them to some resources (IE book? Body respect? Our Ig / a pod episode we’ve done?) - you don’t need to mentally and emotionally exhaust yourself for others - give resources and they can choose to educate themselves on the topic or not.
- Remember, them thinking it’s BS is their own projection onto you - they are most likely stuck in diet culture themselves as mentioned - It’s not you, it’s their own stories that are creating their judgements of IE
- Boundaries: You live your life, they live their life - and don’t give anymore energy to the topic. Make it known that you don’t want to talk about IE / dieting if they can’t respect the concept of it. You can ask them to respect your choices and you will respect theirs and if they can't do that for you - then that’s information for you.
THE POINT IS - YOU DON’T NEED TO TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT it because you can do whatever the heck you want. Trying to convince anyone of anything will only drive you crazy - and most likely feel frustrated and invalidated - maybe even feeling some shame. We can’t change anyone unless they are open and willing and have the desire to change / learn about a new way of being in a relationship with food. You don’t have to diet again and they don’t have to do IE - everything’s a choice and the most powerful thing we can do is to create our own armor and stand strong in our beliefs about what IE has done for our lives and not let anyone or diet culture take us down.
A few tangible steps to take:
- Figure out what your boundaries are - What will you tolerate and what will you not tolerate? What feels safe and what doesn’t? What would you be okay with talking about and what would you not be okay with talking about ? Who do you allow in and who do you allow distance between? These are all great Q’s to ask yourself. Boundaries can feel challenging but Knowing your boundaries are empowering.
- Write down your why - Remind yourself why IE / UnDieting serves you. Why you began this new way in living in the first place. Why it feels honoring? Why you left diet culture behind? Knowing your why will help you remind yourself what’s important to you and why ultimately it won't matter what other people thing of your choices because you have a deep rooted why - to why you are doing this!
- Have words ready - it can feel uneasy and confusing on how to respond to someone if you feel they are attacking IE and then it could catch you off guard and you don’t know what to say and your words get jumbled and then you feel even more shame because you felt you didn’t appropriately stand up for yourself when you know there are so many reasons why you are doing what you are doing. So this isn't to convince anyone - this is just to have words ready when people come at you with “IE is BS” comment. What can you have ready to say to nip it in the bud ? For ex. I respect your opinion but this isn’t something I want to discuss with you. This allows you to stand strong without needing to defend, explain, or convince.
This really comes down to sticking to what you believe in no matter comes at you.
You can download your free worksheet to work on all that was talked about at bit.ly/understandingundieting
Please rate and review the podcast to get the message of UnDieting out there!
See you next week!