Welcome to how to love your body, today we are talking about how to stop caring what people think.
This is a big part of what keeps people stuck in the diet cycle - worrying about what other people think can really fuel the fire.
People will say, I’m doing this for me, it’s not about what others think but since we live in a culture that is so obsessed with thinness and looks it’s almost impossible to untangle what YOU really want from what our society has taught us we are meant to want.
Firstly let’s tackle this idea that “i just want to lose weight for myself”
-cannot remove yourself from diet culture
-its too engrained
-cannot escape the deep core message that we are accepted by our body size
-yes of course you want external validation - 100s of years ago that’s how we survived - but now we are evolved enough to think critically about that and shift that way of thinking.
This is just to say - question your thoughts and beliefs when you think “It’s not about what others think, I just want this for me”. Can that really be true?
Now moving onto when we KNOW we care what people think (again, which is so normal and it’s only human, but when it rules how we live, it’s something we can work on).
Here are three things you can do to begin putting what other people think lower on your priority list:
1. Get logical about it.
This is something you can journal on:
Imagine a scenario with someone who you are worried about seeing - play it out. You’re walking down the street, you see Claire, she says hi, you ask how her mom is, she asks about your partner, and you both go on your way. What she thought about you really had no effect on this situation.
It’s more about what WE think they’re thinking than what they’re actually thinking.
Most of the time you will never know what people are thinking.
And yes of course there will be insensitive people who say rude things but do we want to spend all of our days to change ourselves so that Aunt Jane doesn’t make a rude comment at Thanksgiving dinner? The cost/ benefit just doesn’t line up.
2. It’s really about what WE think of ourselves that gets us worried.
When you are worrying that someone is thinking X about you, it’s really a worry that someone is ALSO thinking X about you. It starts with us.
If you got your hair done and loved it you wouldn’t be worried that people won’t like it because YOU like it, if you got your hair done the same way but hated it, you would worry that other people didn’t like it.
Our insecurities about what people think COME from our own insecurities.
The good news is that when you have the self awareness about worrying what other people think, you can then look inward and reflect on your own beliefs and then you have somewhere to go from there.
We cannot control what other people think but we can work on our own mindset!
3. Never caring what anyone thinks is unlikely to ever happen, instead focus on the people who you respect and love.
Do you worry about what Simone from high school is going to think? Maybe not worth your time. Are you worried what your partner is going to think? Maybe something worth looking at because you are going to be affected by that.
HOWEVER, this never means someone else’s opinion is ever more important than your own.
This can at least make you be more selective about WHO you worry about.
This is a big part of the work but it is something you can get better with.
Freedom does require lessening the importance of what others think and increasing the value of YOUR opinion.
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See you next week!