Today's episode is brought to you by our free 5 day UnDiet Mindset Boost- this is a 5 day opportunity for you to boost your mindset around undieting and do the important work of changing the way you think.

It will be based on today’s episode and you can get it at bit.ly/undietboost

5 Major Philosophies of UnDieting 

Shifting your thoughts about food and your body from the way you look to the way you feel. 

There are some obvious things that you may have shifted already - not counting calories anymore, not on an actual diet, beginning the process of eating intuitively and listening to your body signals instead of food rules but there are SO many ways of thinking that need to change that sometimes we cant even see 

Being overly concerned with emotional eating, overeating, making sure you’re ACTUALLY hungry when you eat etc are all markers of some old beliefs coming up. Would you be so worried about these things if food didn’t affect your weight? If you could eat anything, anytime and you would look the same forever would you be that concerned? Would it be a big deal if you ate because you were bored or because you were physically hungry? Probably not - this shows that some of your actions are still rooted in the way your body looks.

And it can sound extreme but overhauling the way you think entirely is the way to freedom and ironically, balance. 

When your thinking changes you are able handle food with ease because it’s just food, it’s not so intertwined with looks, weight, worth and so many other things that diet culture ties food into.

Separating weight and wellness. 

A main concern people have is that if they UnDiet they won’t be healthy. But the truth is the diet cycle is very hard on your body and mental health. 

The key of this work is separating wellness from weight, they are not the same thing.

While you shift away from a focus on weight this does not mean shifting away from wellness, it actually means FINALLY introducing true wellness into your life. 

As you move along on this journey, when thoughts of “I’ll feel better if I lose weight” or “I need to lose weight for my health” come up, take a breath and ask yourself, what can I do to feel better now, what can I do to improve my wellness at this moment.

Are you getting enough sleep? Are you eating enough? Are you wanting to eat more vegetables? Are you wanting to continue building a healthier body image? Are you wanting to move your body more often? 

GREAT! And none of that needs to affect your weight for it to benefit your health. 

An important goal of UnDieting is inner peace.

When you’ve been dieting for 10 - 30 years the goal is always to look different, to be thinner and to have various physical results. 

This is what we’ve thought would change everything for us, and of course we thought that - thats what diet culture told us but to be honest a physical result will not be life changing, and definitely not a long term solution.

The 1 thing that will make a life changing difference is inner peace. This means acceptance of your body and self unconditionally. 

You might be thinking, but HOW!? We know its not a quick journey but its possible and so worth it. 

Imagine waking up every morning without the thought “I need to change my body”, Ive been so bad I have to start again on Monday, and the constant stress over your weight. Just simply LIVING and being you and that is enough -and yes you can absolutely care about your health, feeling good and growing as a person at the same time.

Self Empowerment

This is about YOU figuring out what works for you instead of someone telling you what to do (when there are rules, it can never be a lifelong change)

UnDieting is unlearning all the rules and BS that you were taught before and to get back in touch with YOUR wisdom about your own body, what it needs and wants and how you feel. You are the expert on your own body and its time to realize that and embrace your power. 

Rewiring Your Brain

The brain is a habitual creature , when we think one way it’s easiest to just keep thinking that way. Body hate, food stress, weight obsession - it all becomes second nature and just the natural way we think so to change that seems impossible - this is just the way we are! But that isn’t true, this way of thinking was learned and it can be unlearned and replaced with a more natural and compassionate way of thinking. 

Body acceptance, intuitive eating and UnDiet thinking can all become second nature, so its natural and easy.

You can dive deeper into internalizing these philosophies by joining our free 5 day undiet mindset boost at bit.ly/undietboost

See you next week!

Welcome to How to Love Your Body - on today’s episode we are going to be talking about body checking. 

Before we dive in - we wanted to remind you that the 21 Day Body Image Intensive is closing Today - EOD - June 30th. We’ve been getting great feedback from women who have been currently taking the intensive.

If you want to dive deeper into healing body image this intensive is for you. Go to www.thebodylovesociety.com/bodyimage to get started on day 1. 50% of the proceeds are going to The Loveland Foundation, an amazing cause we are passionate about as it’s all about mental health. 

Okay so. Body checking.

First, what is it? 

An obsessive behavior in which one focuses on a certain body part/s while looking in the mirror/ at their reflection multiple times a day.

Behaviors include: 

 

  • Looking in the mirror multiple times a day checking the size of x body part. 
  • Obsessively weighing yourself 
  • Obsessively taking measurements of your body 
  • Constantly focusing on how your clothes fit/ feel tight etc 
  • Always comparing your body shape to another’s 

  • Checking your reflection in places other than the mirror 

 

Body checking could be something that is on your mind A LOT throughout the day, everyday. 

Now that you know what body checking is - you may now be aware of how much energy goes into this and how much attention it takes away from your daily life. When your mind is ruminating it truly does feel like there is no room for anything else in your life and let’s be honest we don’t want our lives to ONLY be about our bodies and how they look. 

One of the things that we really dive into when working on body image is mindset but one of the best tangible things you can do to improve body image is STOP body checking!! 

When you commit yourself to purposely not body checking you’ll see how much clearer and peaceful your mind becomes - how much energy you save to think about other things that actually matter to you. 

We are not making you wrong or bad for body checking nor do we want to make you feel bad for putting so much energy into it - we did this ALL the time! Food and body took up our thoughts 24/7, so we get it! 

We want to support you in freeing yourself! 

Here’s an activity to do if you choose to accept! 

Of course we want this to go beyond a day but for the sake of the activity- For one FULL day - No body checking - this means no mirrors, no looking at your reflection, no zero-ing in on body parts and judging them.

Bad body image days are created in our minds - it's our thoughts that make it so hard! So in order to keep your mind from creating all the mean thoughts about yourself - simply do not give energy to them.

Avoiding the mirror and choosing not to body check will give your mind a break. It won't trigger all the thoughts that come along with the tough body image days.

When you notice yourself wanting to look in the mirror to see how your arms look in your shirt or what your legs look like in those pants or wanting to assess your body to see if you approve or disapprove of it - let that be a signal to tell yourself....

"I really want to body check right now and I am choosing not to. I know this is the self honoring choice right now. Instead of berating my body I am going to not give attention to those thoughts."

At the end of the day - reflect on how it was to not body check. Did it make a difference in your thoughts about your body? Did it seem helpful? How did not body checking serve your highest good? Is this something you will do daily?

You can also reflect on what you feel body checking gives you? You wouldn’t do it if there wasn’t some sort of pay off. Does it feel like you have more control over your body if you're always looking it over? When you feel the urge to body check remind yourself of the real reason you’re doing it - one that isn’t helping you build a healthy body image.

If this activity seems helpful to you - take it on! 

Also, consider taking on the 21 Day Body Image Intensive! For 21 days you’ll get support with tangible activities like the one above and mindset activities to help you really dig deep and transform the way you think and feel about your body. 

You can get started by going to www.thebodylovesociety.com/bodyimage 

Doors close by the end of the day today (June 30th, 2020)! It’s only $21 for 21 days + an added bonus that you will be helping an amazing foundation.

Welcome to How to Love Your Body on today’s episode we are talking about beauty, particularly conventional beauty and where it fits into the work of UnDieting and removing ourselves from diet culture.

Yes - the beauty industry, makeup, hair etc is another multi billion dollar industry that preys on low self esteem and the need to look a certain way.

Being aware of this is important - if the political side of this work is important to you, the best thing you can do is vote with your dollar, do not give money to these kinds of industries… and you’re also a grown woman who gets to choose what is best for HER!

The first step is being aware of the insidious side of the beauty industry - did you know cellulite as a negative body feature was made up by the beauty industry so they could then sell you a product to fix something that you never had a problem with… until they said it was a problem?

Take a step back and see if everything you buy and buy into is something you want to be a part of, cellulite creams, waist trainers, spanx, these things were developed so you could fit into a mould - and so is mascara, cover up and curling irons but we can choose where we draw the line for ourselves as individuals, there is no right or wrong answer here.

I do make it a point to not buy into supposedly body changing items like waist trainers and cellulite creams because of the work we do - if I try to look more like the diet culture mould I am not helping anyone else accept themselves and that is an important part of this work TO ME. It does not mean it has to be for you.

When becoming an UnDieter we are not saying - you now have to become an advocate and dive into the politics of body acceptance, fat acceptance and fighting against the patriarchy!!!

It is important work but we know it isn't for everyone.

What are you passionate about and where do you draw your line?

Wherever that is, it does not matter, just make sure its what you really want. 

I have my eyebrows microbladed, I want to get hair extensions this year, I wear makeup when I go to events and I like to wear conventional female clothing…

These are not things I feel I need to boycott to live this life or to help others find food freedom either.

Where is your line?

Do you want to avoid shape wear and try to practice some more body acceptance?

Do you want to wear makeup less often?

Do you want to stop buying anti aging creams ?

Cool! Don't want to do those things? That's fine too. We just encourage you to take a closer look before you decide.

Are you afraid of leaving the house without your hair and makeup fully done?

Are you afraid of what people will think of you if you arrived somewhere without spanx?

Living in fear isn’t making a choice, it’s being forced into a choice…

And we want genuine freedom for you!

You can grab your free worksheet to explore the different elements of beauty and decide where you are going to draw your line in the sand - once you’ve taken a closer look and decided what you’re okay with and what you are not, you can live a life of freedom in every aspect!! Get it at www.thebodylovesociety.com/111

And remember: you can become an UnDieter and just be the same wonderful you who loves makeup and hair products but who also has freedom around food and realized their self worth doesn’t come from those beauty products!

Please take a minute today to rate and review the podcast so other women can discover the world of UnDieting too!

Welcome to this week’s episode of How to Love Your Body 

The terms body love, body neutrality and body positivity along with Body acceptance and body image all get tossed around a lot in this work and many use them interchangeably but all of these things are different.

Today we are going to talk about the differences, what they mean for your journey and what to focus on in this phase of your journey.

Let’s start with body positivity:

This one is unlike the others. Body positivity is a social movement, it has its roots in the fat acceptance movement. It works along side racial justice, trans and queer inclusive, and disability movements. So when people ask, why is body positivity so political ? This is why - it IS, it’s a political movement. 

The other terms we are talking about are more about the individual - and likely what many are talking about on their platforms when they use the term body positivity.

Most people - even publications use these terms incorrectly. Take this article title for instance “ Forget body positivity: How about body neutrality?” This doesn’t make sense - body positivity is a movement and body neutrality is an individual experience of one’s body.

Let’s dive into Body Neutrality, it is usually the first step for people on their journey out of the diet mentality and into a healthier relationship with food and their bodies. 

Body Neutrality empowers you to embrace yourself as you are, including the parts you don’t like about yourself. This means avoiding self hate but also being ok not liking the way you look all the time. It's about respect and acceptance.

The power in body neutrality is that you don’t have to lie to yourself, bypass the emotional work and just pretend to love your body - you can work on slowly becoming okay with who you are as you move along in your journey.

An example of body neutrality is to turn your thoughts from negative “I hate the way my arms look”, to factual and objective thoughts. “I have arms that allow me to hug my loved ones”. 

Next up is body love - Obviously this one is one of our favorites since our community is called THe Body Love Society and our podcast is How to Love Your Body.

Body Love is important to clarify here - we never mean you love the way your body LOOKS - because honestly this work has nothing to do with the way your body looks but we do hope you can get to a place of loving your body.

Loving your body the way you love a loved one - by being forgiving, compassionate and gentle. It might annoy you at times and you don't love every little thing about it (just like with our loved ones), but overall you respect and are on your body’s side.

Body Love involves loving it NO MATTER WHAT happens. Gain weight, lose weight or stay the same - The love is still there. That is why it isn't about the way your body looks - we often hear from women that they started to be ok with and even love their bodies again but now they've gained weight and it’s all gone to hell!

It’s so important to begin cultivating unconditional love for your body - really this just means being on the same side as your body, working together to feel your best, through any ups and downs that might occur. 

Before we wrap it up today there is one more we’ll throw in that is just so important and that is body trust.

Body trust is an aspect of body love. Meaning you relinquish control over to your body to handle itself. Trusting your body means you no longer have to micromanage the way you eat or look - you know that your body has got your back and if you just listen to it, it’ll take care of you. 

Without body trust you cannot love your body, just like in a personal relationship - if you have to micromanage and control someone, it is not going to be a healthy relationship.

To begin working on body trust - begin slowly letting go of things that exert control over your body - still measuring food? Weighing yourself? Tracking what you eat? Benign very rigid in your workout routine? All of these things tell your body you don't trust it.

As you continue to heal your relationship with your body, building from body hate to body neutrality to body trust and love - know that it’s ok that it might feel hard. This work is going against everything you’ve been taught your whole life. 

To get support as you move forward our 21 Day Body Image Intensive is a great option. We give you daily journaling activities and action steps to take to tangibly build up from body neutrality to body love for only $21.

Just sitting there and hoping one day you’ll love your body after years of trying to shrink it and control it will be a long and bumpy road - but taking confident action each day in the body image intensive will get you moving along on the path towards a healthy relationship with both food and your body.

You can learn more about the intensive and The Loveland Foundation which 50% of the proceeds from the program go towards at thebodylovesociety.com/bodyimage 

On today’s episode we will be discussing what body image is,and how to improve it.

We will also be sharing about The Loveland Foundation, what it is and how you can help contribute while also improving your own body image.

So let’s dive in:

What is body image?

The dictionary definition is “an intellectual or idealized image of what one's body is or should be like”.

Both the words idealized and should hold the power of diet culture. Our ideas of what the ideal body is and what it SHOULD look like come directly from the message that thinner is better and all of the damaging self criticisms that come along with the diet mentality.

Body image has much less to do with the way your body looks and much more to do with your thoughts and judgements around what it SHOULD be and what is good or bad in a body.

The way to heal your body image is to transform these thoughts and judgements into ones of acceptance and flexibility.

Accepting your body does not mean liking the way it looks all the time - it means letting go of the idea that it SHOULD be a specific way. The pain that shoulds cause us isnt real - the minute you dont have that thought, the pain goes away. This is why mindset is so important. 

Here are 3 main thing to focus on when it comes to healing your body image:

 

  • Let go of all shoulds and shouldnts. These will only ever leave us dissatisfied and discontent.
  • Allow for flexibility - your body will change over your lifetime, it is inevitable. Allowing for that gives you freedom no matter how your body changes. 
  • Work on being ENOUGH as you are right now. The number one thing we hear when women do lose weight is - it was never enough. There are always flaws that need fixing and things that need changing - ALWAYS. 

 

Drop the shoulds, allow for change and find enoughness where you are right now.

NOTE: The question we will inevitably get from this is -- isnt that complacency, isn’t it good to practice self improvement. Sure! But how about using that energy to work on things that matter instead of trying to appease society’s oppression of your body? You can still choose to work on practicing positive health behaviors like getting enough sleep, eating a variety of foods, becoming an intuitive eater, moving your body. And all of that can be achieved while finding a healthy body image, resulting in both a positive change in physical and mental health.

We’d now like to share the Loveland Foundation with you.  We will be supporting this foundation through our 21 Day Body Image Intensive program that is open today.

The Body Image Intensive is a 21 day process you can go through where each day you will have a journal prompt or an activity to do to improve your body image. 

The intensive is $21 and 50% of proceeds will be going to the foundation.

The Loveland Foundation was established in 2018 by Rachel Cargle in response to her widely successful birthday wish fundraiser, Therapy for Black Women and Girls. Her enthusiastic social media community raised over $250,000, which made it possible for Black women and girls nationally to receive therapy support. Black women and girls deserve access to healing, and that healing will impact generations.

The Loveland Foundation is the official continuation of this effort to bring opportunity and healing to communities of color, and especially to Black women and girls. Through fellowships, residency programs, listening tours, and more, ultimately they hope to contribute to both the empowerment and the liberation of the communities they serve.

To learn more about the intensive you can go to thebodylovesociety.com/bodyimage and to learn more about The Loveland Foundation you can visit www.thelovelandfoundation.org

Quick Coaching: Is food logging to see how food makes me feel a good idea?

This episode is brought to you by how to love your body the online course

4 weeks covering food movement body image and mindset

All elements that are so important in becoming an intuitive eater

You can learn more at www.thebodylovesociety.com/course

Something like food logging (not calorie counting) isn't bad or wrong but the question is will it give you the results you’re hoping for?

When you stop dieting and become an intuitive eater, many people hope to think about food less - logging in any form puts more attention on what you eat

- Have to think about the food twice - eat it and write it down

- See all the food you ate that day - way too easy to take stock of your day and think i shouldnt have had so many carbs etc

- Hard to be present when logging 

- False sense of control - if I don't write it down I'll go out of control

KEY POINT: Nothing is bad or wrong - but we need to look at the intention of it and whether it will give you the results you want.

This is relevant to ANYTHING with food and movement.

Your intention behind eating a salad

Your intention behind working out

Your intention behind food logging

Your intention behind being a vegan

Your intention behind eating all the chocolate

AND THEN

Will this allow you to get what you want?

If you feel restricted eating vegan - will you ever find food freedom?

If you log your food and it makes you think about food more often - are you going to be able to stop thinking about food all day?

Take these 2 things into account whenever you are considering something in this journey.

Want to take a huge step forward on your journey?

Our 4 week online course is the perfect next step for you to take.

We close the doors on May 31st so be sure to take a look before it closes.

www.thebodylovesociety.com/course

Welcome to How to Love Your Body. On today’s episode we are going to be talking about something that may get a little misinterpreted in the IE world. 

Before we get started there’s a free worksheet you can grab by clicking HERE to help you assess what IE means to you, how you can be more gentle with yourself, and how to celebrate yourself. 

IE is not about celebrating eating less. 

People may think this because things like this get “celebrated” 

  • “I stopped after one cookie.”
  • “I passed on the stale donut in the staff room.”
  • “I went out to eat, ordered what I wanted, and only ate half.” 
  • “I usually feel like dessert every single night but tonight I didn’t” 
  • “I listened to my body and realized I only wanted a slice of pizza with a nice salad to go along with it. Usually I want the whole pizza!”

It does seem as though eating less is being celebrated when touching on these handful of examples…. 

And we want to tell you why it’s not about that at all - and tell you what it IS all about.

 The IE world is not celebrating eating less - what it is celebrating is…..

 

  • Being in tune with your body
  • Feeling good in your body 
  • Stopping the bingeing because there’s no restriction 
  • Enjoying dessert without needing to eat it ALL in one sitting because you know you can have it tomorrow or whenever. 
  • Knowing what is worth it to you and if you don’t feel like eating stale donuts because you actually won’t even enjoy it - awesome! 
  • Having a healthy positive mindset around food. 
  • Being able to actually see the progress you are making in healing the relationship with food and your body 
  • That you feel at peace, hopeful, and happy that it CAN be different - you don’t have to live in a miserable world with food anymore. 

 

THIS is everything we are celebrating!! It truly is amazing! 

AND if you told us… 

-You got too full and didn’t tune in 

-You binged after a few months one night 

-You couldn’t stop after one cookie

-You didn’t leave food on your plate 

That doesn’t mean you have failed and it doesn’t mean that you aren’t going to be celebrated - it doesn’t mean you are a bad person and it doesn’t mean you are doomed and can’t ever heal the relationship with food and your body and find wellness without the obsession. 

It means you are learning, growing, evolving, having awareness, being curious and are human! - When things happen that you don’t like or wish didn’t happen or things that you beat yourself up for -- THOSE are the times when you learn the most!! It’s really about being gentle and compassionate with yourself and giving yourself a break. 

So whatever happens - You leave food on your plate one night or feel too full the next - THAT’S OKAY. There will always be an ebb and flow to the way you eat on any given day - tune into your body and know that you can always in every present moment choose what feels good to you - whatever that may be. 

You are always being celebrated as an UnDieter! 

Don’t forget to grab your worksheet HERE

A celebrity recently posted about her weight loss and there was a response from 2 different sides. This episode was inspired by Adele’s recent weight loss but what we talk about is true for anyone you know who loses a significant amount of weight.

One group of people were praising the weight loss and one group were upset by the weight loss.

The first group are dieters - those who believe that skinner = better, that weight equates to health, these are people that subscribe to the main stream diet culture that we live in, no surprises at all here really. We know people get praise for weight loss, it’s one of the many reasons we can even get sucked back into wanting to lose weight ourselves. This reaction is Predictable and quite frankly boring. We all knew people would have this reaction, they always do, its old it’s played out so lets move onto the next perspective that is mostly what we’re seeing online now.

The second group were mad, they were triggered, they were upset. These are the people who are working on their own relationship with food and their bodies. They are working to get out of the diet mentality. They see a prominent person go from being a fat person to a thin person and it causes feelings - these may include worry that maybe they SHOULD be pursuing weight loss after all, and disappointment that yet another prominent, fat woman has now fit herself into the mold of what a famous person is supposed to look like, one less fat woman to represent other body types in the media. 

It IS upsetting when we see ourselves in someone and that person changes in a way that we no longer identify with, it feels like a break up almost. Like “you understood me and now you don’t”. 

We get it!

And it is okay to respond in whatever way you responded - having compassion for every person is the best way to find peace for yourself. Most people still live entrenched in diet culture not even KNOWING they live in a diet culture - we all lived in that space at one time or another. 

Our response to this persons weight loss is about US, not them.

Just like we always say, others people’s comments about your body is about them not you, it’s the same thing here.

So yes praising weight loss promotes fatphobia and we could talk about that for the whole episode but we’ve already seen a ton of people discussing this side of things- and it’s obvious for those who already are working on disentangling themselves from diet culture which is everyone listening to this podcast.

What is less obvious is why comments like this are not useful either:

This is a comment I saw on an article from the fat acceptance side of the argument.

"She will probably just gain the weight back since DIETS DON'T WORK".

Yes, drastic weight loss is usually not maintainable. BUT IT IS NONE OF OUR BUSINESS.

Can you imagine if we made comments like this about another woman on a topic other than weight loss? Like- oh she won the lottery? She’ll probably spend it all and be broke again anyways… 

And truthfully It’s completely fine if she gains the weight back, it’s fine if she doesn’t - it’s her body and it has nothing to do with us.

We know someone else’s weight loss can be triggering and we might turn to undermining the person who has lost weight - this is not the answer.

The key is to heal OUR relationship with our own bodies so that others’ bodies don’t effect our body peace.

If no one reacted to her weight loss - her post didn’t even mention weight, she was thanking front line workers during the pandemic - 

Bodies would just become free to fluctuate and do what they will without judgement, shame or praise.

Ironically, this would also be a world where we wouldn't feel like we have to manipulate our bodies in order to not be judged, shamed or to seek praise…

Win win all around.

If you are ever upset by someone’s weight loss, turn it around to you - what does this reaction say about my beliefs about bodies, weight and the trust I have or lack of in my own body.

Triggers are hard but they are helpful. It gives us so much insight into what we can continue to work on.

Also - we want people to stop judging our bodies, we want the world to accept all bodies, we want our bodies to be nobody’s business but our own but then we so easily have so much to say about someone who has lost weight.

NOBODY’S BODY IS OUR BUSINESS - whether they gain weight or lose weight it is not our place to say a word.

If you are looking to find more peace in YOUR body so other’s weight loss doesn’t affect you be sure to take a look at our 4 week course - it will be open until May 30th. We go over food, movement, body image and mindset all from a body acceptance and non diet perspective. www.thebodylovesociety.com/course

Hello and welcome to another episode of How to Love Your Body - this is Jenna and Lauren and today we are going to be talking about quieting your inner critic. 

You can follow along with the worksheet that goes with this episode here www.thebodylovesociety.com/105

You know the mean girl inside your head that makes you believe anything they say? She is something that gets to be handled because when the thoughts inside your head are constantly telling you how bad, unworthy, and such a failure you are - it will take you a heck of a lot longer to get to a place of love  and food and body freedom when you have such a negative nancy pulling you down. 

So what do to with the inner critic when her head is roaring? 

Acknowledge her and have compassion for her- she wants to be heard. She wants to be loved. She wants to be comforted. Even though she’s being such a mean girl - it’s the only way she knows how to communicate. It’s her cry for help - for that love and attention. 


Of course you aren’t going to agree with the mean things she is saying - what you can do is understand her - and tell her that you understand that it’s hard. To have compassion for her because it’s clear that she’s suffering. Give her the acknowledgment that she’s looking for - tell her that you are there for her and you have no judgement- you can say “ thank you for sharing, but the things you are saying are not my truth.”

Just by allowing the inner critic to have a voice allows it to come up and then be placed into the background. You don’t give anymore energy to it. When they get loud, you listen to them, and let them be on their way as you hold a space of compassion and understanding.

She is a part of you but that doesn’t mean she gets to be the boss of you. You take the power back.

Here are some tangible activities you can do to quiet the inner critic. 

 

 

  • POST IT NOTES-

    After this episode or whenever you get a chance (make it a priority) - write a stack of  reminders for yourself on post it notes- Empowering messaging, loving messages, motivational messages, inspiring messages- whatever will give you that boost to remember what you deserve and who you really are.

    You can say things like: 

 

  • I am beautiful 
  • I am a badass boss babe 
  • I am an amazing mom 
  • I can do hard things 
  • I am lovable 
  • Take a breath, be present! 
  • Etc… whatever feels good to you that will keep you going each day. 

Post them in all the places you regularly see- places like the mirrors you always look in, your car dashboard, your work space, anywhere. 

 

It may seem kind of silly or corny but you will see the difference when you wake up and maybe are already starting a tough day and you see all these reminders that give you the feel good boost you may need to keep that inner critic / mean girl in the background and not blaring in your ears. 

Another activity you can do is - RELEASE/ REFRAME JOURNALING

 

Whenever the inner critic is going off and nothing seems to stop her- get out your journal and write down the story she is telling you. Get all the words out on paper. It doesn’t need to make sense or have the correct spelling - just write and write and dump the words onto paper. All the feelings all the emotions- everything. It can be in messy handwriting, it can be whatever- just go all out. 

Once it’s all out and you’ve said it all - reframe the story. 

Don’t re- read what you wrote - there’s no need to go back through that. 

Rip up that paper and start a fresh new page. 

Now, begin with writing 10 things you’re grateful for- gratitude can always shift your energy into a new state. Most likely a better feeling state- 

 

After you dive into gratitude, get into the reframe part and write to yourself everything that you need to hear. That you are an amazing woman, that you deserve to be heard and supported by others. That your voice matters. That it doesn’t matter the size of your body but the size of your heart. That you are doing the best you can and you are exactly where you are meant to be. Tell yourself everything that you need to hear in this moment. Don’t get in your head - this is not coming from the inner critic - they had their turn- this is coming from your truth. From the part of you that knows you are worthy no matter what.

This reframe will allow you to quite that inner critic without suppressing it - shift your energy- and move forward. 

One last thing you can do- Is this someone I would want to be roommates with? 

When you hear the inner critic start to get loud and mean - ask yourself if this were my roommate would I tolerate this kind of behavior? Would I allow someone that I lived with to speak to me this way? Would I want to spend time with them? - most likely you would run as far away from this person and immediately evict them from your living space. And if it wasn’t immediate- I’m sure it would only be a matter of time before you’ve had enough. 

If you wouldn’t want to physically live with a person like this - why would you allow something like this to live inside your head all day long? That seems like torture! It’s time to evict that inner critic - so just simply being aware of “Oh wow, that sounds really mean, would I want to live with a person like this?” That can be your signal that you don’t tolerate this kind of behavior and to take action to “evict” this voice inside your head that doesn’t serve you. 

So there are a handful of tools you can use when you are starting to hear those mean voices come up - and remember that we all have those voices and it’s human. You aren’t going to quiet them completely 100% of the time - and that’s okay- the thing is - now you have tools to not let that voice run your life. You’ll have days when it’s louder and days when it’s quiet - and with the awareness and doing the work on yourself you’ll have many more days of peace and quiet!

Remember to download the worksheet to really dive into the work of quieting that inner critic at www.thebodylovesociety.com/105

 

Please rate and review the podcast - it helps a lot!

 

We had a pretty controversial post on Instagram about this with lots and lots of comments so getting this topic on the podcast felt appropriate! 

The reason is was so controversial is because we had a handful of dieters who couldn’t accept the fact that getting compliments for all their hard work is damaging - in a way they may have felt threatened that they wouldn’t be getting the external validation they so desperately need from the world to let them know - “hey you’re body is smaller, you are now worthy and enough.” 

 

Of course this need for external validation was something that was learned from diet culture - dieters aren’t bad or wrong for wanting this validation - it’s just how diet culture has groomed us as humans - no one is bad or wrong but our intention of bringing up this topic is not to demean anyone - just share our opinions on this …. 

 

So what’s so damaging about the phrase “Have you lost weight? You look so good!” ?

 

  • Most importantly - it perpetuates diet culture, it says “being thinner is good, and you’re thinner now so yay, you are now beautiful”. We want to get to a place where losing weight doesn’t get praise and gaining weight doesn’t get “concerns”... it’s all just natural body fluctuation and all bodies are good bodies. If you also are wanting to change diet culture this is a great place to start, keep the positive and negative comments of others bodies to yourself.

 

 

 

  • It can negatively impact someone with an eating disorder. That need for external validation becomes so great, that now there is pressure to keep the weight off even if it’s in a very unhealthy and obsessive way.

  • There is deep shame when the compliments stop - meaning that someone is no longer losing weight/ maybe gained all the weight back and more and now there’s no more external validation. That weight loss is the only way to get people to notice them - it’s like a hit of dopamine when someone compliments weight loss which keeps you coming back for more - and when the compliments stop it's like a punch in the gut. 

 

 

  • The focus on weight loss to be noticed by others becomes far more important than actually feeling good in your body and creating a healthy relationship with food. It turns into the “I’ll do ANYTHING to be in a smaller body” no matter what it takes - my freedom, my sanity, etc. It becomes the only thing that matters and someone’s life could be revolved around thinking about food, what their next meal is, what they can and can’t have, what the number is on the scale and when they’re getting in their workout- leaving no more room or energy for anything else that actually matters in their life. And this is the danger behind compliments - it can change the course of someone’s life in such a negative manner it’s sickening.

  • It is inappropriate to comment on anyone’s body ever. This is crossing a boundary - it doesn’t matter the opinions someone has if it be a positive or negative opinion in their mind - not their body not their business. A woman's body is her own and no one gets to have any ownership around it besides them. Think what you think in your head - but keep it to yourself.

    Just a note: This is not about making people feel attacked for weight loss - it’s sharing that focusing on your weight or anyone else’s weight can be a very dangerous line into the misery of dieting and EDs.

 

 

As we always mention- weight loss is NOT bad. It’s the obsessive focus around weight loss and changed (toxic) behavior that we are talking about - being intuitive, feeling good in your body and your mind, moving in ways that you enjoy, eating fruits and veggies that you love, and ice cream that you desire - that’s all fabulous - and when you have the intention of living with wellness without the obsession - your body is going to do what it’s going to do. 

This is about stepping away from the number on the scale and stepping into how you feel in your body and your mind. 

Live your life the way you want to live- just remember to hold the boundary - that commenting on other peoples bodies is unnecessary AND when someone compliments YOUR body for appearing smaller, don’t say thank you, instead regard it as a neutral comment, like you would if someone said, you have a purple shirt on today, “Oh hmmm…”. This stops the idea that YOU see thinness as a compliment, every bit helps shift others’ view on weight loss and commenting on others’ bodies.

Remember that you are enough as you are - in this body that you have today. 

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